Glamour Girls (2022)

Glamour Girls (2022): No Story, Just Vibes

Glamour Girls is the 2022 reconstruction of the 1994 Nollywood drama film of the same name. Directed by Bunmi Adesoye, it stars Nse Ikpe-Etim, with Sharon Ooja, Joselyn Dumas, Toke Makinwa, Temisan Emmanuel, Segilola Ogidan, James Gardiner, Lynxxx, Uzor Arukwe, Ejike Asiegbu, Gloria Anozie-young and Dolly Nwachukwu.

Plot

The plot follows the lives of glamourous escorts led by Donna (Nse Ikpe-Etim). Emmanuella or “Emma” (Sharon Ooja) is a stripper who loses her job after being framed for theft. With two younger siblings to support, she accepts a job as one of Donna’s girls. Jemma (Joselyn Dumas) is a retired escort and Donna’s former partner, whose circumstances force her to return to the lifestyle. She meets Alexander, who the plot will eventually revolve around. Emphasis on eventually.

No story, just vibes

This movie is truly something. It’s always magical when you prioritize glamorous montages and vibes over a coherent story. Glamour Girls’ pacing is atrocious. Here I am thinking okay, the beginning isn’t so bad. Maybe the story will revolve around Jemma and Emma competing for Donna’s favour. The montages are not too annoying. Quite a few characters though, hopefully, won’t prove unimportant to the story. Alright, I think, now that we’ve been introduced to the characters, let’s get to the real story.

And then I check and the movie is already halfway done. Will they have time to explore the main plot? Will it even be introduced? Of course not. The first half proves this was never going to be a serious movie, and I was being way too optimistic. And even with only half its screen time remaining, Glamour Girls manages to shove in unnecessary scenes and ensure that the subplots, the only thing the movie has, go nowhere. Except for the main subplot (which was probably supposed to be the main plot), which is treated like a hastily wrapped gift – ugly wrapping that may or may not be tissue paper and tape everywhere. Maybe this metaphor doesn’t make sense, but neither does this movie.

Cast and production

Nse Ikpe-Etim is good in this movie, especially if she is meant to embody a character with chronic neck pain. Apparently being a classy madame means having a wonderfully stiff neck. How else can you gaze imperiously at your subjects? Sharon Ooja is getting a bit better, but it’s hard to appreciate this. In fact, it’s hard to appreciate any actor in this movie, good performance or not. The dialogue is nothing to write home about, and between Donna’s neck and Emma’s squealing, the characters come off as annoying.

As usual, Nse Ikpe Etim’s character is always dressed like a supermodel, and her girls match her vibe. One of the few things the movie gets right. Can’t say the same for the music. There is one scene that stands out. I refuse to spoil it for anyone, but when the song started playing, I started looking around, thinking It was someone’s ringtone, or a child watching YouTube. But it was part of the movie’s soundtrack, and funny and painful at the same time.

Let’s fix Glamour Girls

Let there be some kind of sisterly love triangle between Emma, Donna and Jemma. Jemma is the one that got away, and Donna tries to use Emma to replace her. This actually happens in the movie, but in our new and improved Glamour Girls, Emma is the villain pretending to be benign. Donna grows to care for Emma, but still favours Jemma, which threatens the new girl. When the Alexander drama starts, Emma should use it to her advantage, putting Jemma in danger. Imagine the drama.

Of course, we need a competent screenwriter (and a director who won’t see the script as a suggestion) to pull this off. But at least we’ve given the movie a central plot that uses the potential the main characters have.

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